Friday, May 22, 2009

Seeking Help Early Can Save A Marriage

A common issue among married couples, who are experiencing difficulties in their relationship, is the failure to seek help. Worse still some couples may stand idle just 'hoping' things will turn out ok, instead of looking for ways to save a marriage.

Some spouses may take a rather passive role in their relationship and fail to see when their marriage is in crisis. Marriages can break down gradually over time - it's this gradual deterioration that most spouses fail to see.

A frog sitting in a slow boiling pot, will remain unfortunately, until he's cooked. This is often why we fail to seek ways to save a marriage - the relationship breaks down without us even knowing it.

Conflicts can often be stopped or prevented quickly when the right action is taken. However, you and I know that rarely do we take action at the right time. You just need to look around you (or perhaps in your own relationship) to see that arguments needlessly go on before a spouse comes to their senses and begins their attempt to resolve their issues.

Other times it may seem impossible to come to any resolutions other than the possibility of divorce. What needs to be realized is that although this fight is between the couple in question, an outsiders help is sometimes needed. An expert that is, not a member of family and friend - Why? Because you need unbiased advice - someone who can analyze your relationship from both sides, to get to the core of the issue.

Couples with problems often undermine each others side of the argument. This can make it impossible to come to any resolution where both parties are happy. The littlest argument can turn into a raging battle, where neither spouse backs down or works to resolve, rather than fight. Unknowingly, the cat is released from the bag and hidden issues begin to emerge, creating a domino effect.

The spouses in a marriage are ultimately the ones that can save the marriage, however they are also the ones that can destroy it. Although they may know their relationship better than anyone else, it doesn't make them marriage experts. Meaning ways to repair a marriage in trouble must be sought if they are serious about saving their marriage.

Ways to save a marriage come in more ways, than in the form of a marriage counselor. Besides, not all spouses are willing to speak to a total stranger regarding their marriage issues. Although a marriage counselor can be of considerable help to a marriage in trouble, it is not necessary when there is alternative credible and expert advice available.

These sources give you ways to repair a marriage in trouble with a much more discrete and private manner. Recommendations of ways to save a marriage can be found online, in books and even through online consultations.

Saturday, March 14, 2009

Making Your Husband Fall Back In Love With You

How to make your husband fall back in love with you again is something many women start to wonder about during the course of their marriage. Couples change and what was once a sizzling hot romance may shift into more of a platonic friendship. It's frustrating when you begin to feel that your husband isn't as crazy about you as he once was. Many women simply buy into the idea that once their husband falls out of love there's nothing they can do but agree to a divorce. If you still love your spouse there are many ways you can reignite the romance and make him fall in love with you all over again.

When you are thinking about how to make your husband fall back in love consider the qualities he admired about you early in your relationship. There's no denying that both partners change as the marriage progresses and those changes can and do impact feelings. If you were very goal oriented when you two first met and now you are finding it difficult to discover a career or life direction that is something you should work on. It's also easy to fall into the trap of being extra critical with your spouse. If you were easy going and accepting early in the relationship you need to rediscover that quality within yourself now.

It's also human nature to want to understand why your husband doesn't feel as close emotionally as he once did. Many women barrage their husbands with questions about his shift in feelings and instead of this helping the situation, it only creates more tension. Most men aren't comfortable talking about what they are feeling and they retreat when they feel pushed about it. If you've already brought up the subject with your spouse, don't push it. Instead get busy doing your own thing. Focusing on yourself more can actually be one of the ways to make your husband fall back in love with you. All men want to be with women who place a high value on themselves. Your husband will find you much more interesting and appealing if you have a life that is full and rewarding. Instead of doting on why he doesn't seem to love you now as much as he once did, show him that you know you're worth loving. It will naturally draw him closer to you.
Specific things you do and say can compel your husband to fall in love with you all over again. Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause him to feel even more distant from you. 

Common Problems in Marriage

No one gets married expecting to have marriage problems and get divorced. People are filled with hope when they say "I Do" to the person they love. However, the cold reality is that the divorce rate is very high and is rising every day. Dissatisfaction in a marriage happens early because couples become more disillusioned with their dreams when they do not become reality. Men and women used to think that they have to watch out for the infamous seven-year itch that comes after seven years of marriage. Now, couples need to watch out for the two-year (or even 6-month) itch.

So, what are the most common problems in marriage? Many individuals agree that these problems fall in these categories: fidelity, finances, loss of intimacy and boredom.

Unfaithfulness is the most notorious of all common marriage problems. Infidelity often remains undetected because people just refuse to believe that that can happen to them. People think that no one would ever be unfaithful to them because they are good looking or rich. But the sad fact is that many people don't even know they have this marital problem. One of the most common relationship problems related to finances is when one of the spouses is secretive about a financial situation. Any loans or debts that are hidden from a husband or wife, can undermine the crucial element of trust in a healthy marriage. Boredom, another marital problem, happens early on in a marriage. After the honeymoon is over, couples realize that married life is not that easy. Boredom in marriage originates from the habit of not devoting any time for the marriage, and instead focusing on day to day needs such as chores and work. Many couples, and especially couples with children often become concerned about the loss of intimacy. Relaxed intimate moments and romantic evenings are a thing of the past. This a serious marital problem, but definitely not impossible to resolve.

It is a known fact that most couples who have "perfect" marriages just know how to deal with marital problems effectively, and they make an effort to keep their relationship alive.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

What Can You Do to Save a Marriage From Falling Apart?

The most common question on the lips of anyone starting out in a relationship is How To Make A Relationship Last and the most common question for married couples is How To Save Marriage? We see marriages breaking down all around us these days and it is a sobering thought that the chances of your relationship surviving for many years are not good so all the more reason to try to ensure your marriage does not add to the statistics of failed relationships.

When you start out in a new relationship everything seems wonderful and you can't see how it could possibly go wrong but over time small irritations and complications can become divisive problems between you and your partner but it doesn't have to be that way.

The most important thing to remember is that the relationship is something you both have a stake in. It isn't all for one person or the other but for both of you. If the relationship is good it will be good for both of you. Everything is about partnership and sharing.

Many couples forget this and as individuals they struggle to achieve what they want in life without even finding out if their partner wants that too. Does your partner want the same thing as you? Do they value money and goods more than they value you and spending time with you? You both need to establish what is important to you both and work together towards those aims.

If you spend all your working hours at work trying to earn more money for a better standard of living you should make sure that is what your partner wants too. It is more than possible that they sit at home feeling lonely wishing you were there and they may not care about financial success.

Do you drag your partner around every weekend to enjoy your hobby but forget to ask what they would like to do? You might be surprised how many people do this and you might be shocked to discover your partner would like to do something different for a change.

The key feature to all these scenarios is to talk to your partner and to find out what it is they want out of life and out of your relationship. You both matter and both of you should be enjoying your relationship together. If one of you is carelessly ignoring the other persons feelings they are going to be disappointed and your relationship will deteriorate because of that.

Most marriages and relationships don't fail because of one big crisis. They usually are already well on the way to falling apart before the one big problem rears it's head and splits a couple apart. If you can work together to overcome incompatibilities and to satisfy personal needs and expectations in a way that leaves you both happy with the compromise you agree together you can save marriage from disaster. You will both be happier and when the big problems come along you will work better together to overcome them and in so doing you will make your relationship even stronger.

Sunday, January 25, 2009

How to Handle Comments on Your Blog

It is a common feature of blogs that the owners allow visitors to post comments if they wish. These comments may have something to do with the blog subject matter or could be completely unrelated. The comments could also be in favour of, or against the blog material. Whatever the nature of the comment, the blogger has the option of dealing with these in a variety of ways.

The blog owner can:

* Answer the comments
* Block individual visitors from making further comments
* Delete the comments
* Adjust the blog settings so that comments must be approved by the administrator before being published

So let's have a look at each of these options in further detail.

Answering Comments on Your Blog

Most blog programs, especially the most popular Wordpress, will allow you to post comments on your own blog, which gives you the opportunity to answer positive or negative comments by others. You have the option to recognize criticisms and defend your original post with a rebuttal to negative comments. When you receive positive comments, you can also thank the visitors for the praise you've received. You may also receive comments in the form of questions or requests for further information. You can use this as an opportunity to develop better relationships with your blog visitors.

Blocking Comments from Specific Visitors

Unfortunately, not all blog comments are helpful. Some are mean spirited while others may simply be spam comments from people who are either looking for backlinks to their site, or just plain mischievous. To help prevent spam comments you should consider using the Akismet plugin if you are using Wordpress. This contains a database of spammers and spam formats is able to catch spam comments and quarantine them before they are published. The blogger may also wish to ban individual blog visitors if their comments are unreasonable or scandalous.

Adjusting the Blog Settings

There are ways of preventing some of the unpleasant outcomes in the above paragraph by setting your administrative features to not allow blog comments to be published until you have approved them. If you don't like the comment, you can simply delete it or mark it as spam. You can usually choose to be notified by email whenever a visitor posts a comment, so that you can handle it without delay, especially if it is a spammer using your blog to get backlinks at your expense. The blog owner can simply delete any comments they don't want others to read before the comments are published.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Marital Problems That Often Lead to Divorce

Marital problems don’t always lead to divorce. At times they may cause you to feel like you want to run screaming toward the courthouse but, that doesn’t have to be the situation. I know you’ve heard this before but, I’m going to say it again anyway…marriage is work, a lot of work. The stress and strain of every day life can distract us at times and cause us to lose focus on the work that needs to be done in the marriage. That same stress can invade a marriage, exacerbate, and magnify any marital problems and issues in the marriage.

Most marital problems are typical. In other words if you are married, you will, at some point be faced with pretty much the same issues that most married people face. There is no true way to gauge whether the problems in your marriage are insurmountable. Your commitment to the marriage and your spouse determines how much you are willing to put up with and how hard you are willing to work on the marriage. If you are thinking about divorce or feeling like taking a jog down to the courthouse, ask yourself some of the follow questions.

-Are you to the point that your spouse just can’t do anything right, does everything they do get under your skin?

-Does everything lead to an argument?

-Are you tired of the fighting, so tired you can’t muster of the energy to even engage anymore?
Has the love you felt been replaced by resentment?

-Would you rather be anywhere than with your spouse?

-When you and your spouse are together do you find you have nothing to talk about or that you have little interest in talking to him/her?

-Does the idea of sex with your spouse cause you to shudder?

-Are you having an affair or thinking about having an affair?

-You find yourself doing the opposite of what your spouse needs from you just to spite him/her?

-Are thoughts of divorce running through your mind on a regular basis?

Don’t worry, just because you answered yes to most of the questions doesn’t necessarily mean you are headed for divorce. It does mean, however that your marriage is in trouble and that it is time to evaluate your feelings as far as your commitment to the marriage. Steps need to be taken to either fix the problems in the marriage or to get the ball rolling and the divorce process started. Staying stuck in an unhappy marriage should not be an option for you or your spouse. Get to work finding a solution for the problems or you will end up in divorce court.
By Cathy Meyer

Thursday, January 15, 2009

How True Love Can Last a Lifetime

How to Make Your True Love Last a Lifetime:
1. Avoid negative thought patterns. Allowing yourself to mentally or verbally tear down your significant other is like gnawing at the bond that holds you together.

2. Remember that your true love means more to you than anyone else--including your parents and your kids. Those who put their children before their spouse are often disappointed to find that they have no relationship left once the kids head out on their own.

3. Be more flexible and forgiving with your spouse than anyone else. We expect our spouse to "understand" our stress or limitations (in other words, put up with our crap). Instead, reserve your patience and kindness for the person who means the most to you.

4. Understand that relationships work on a spiral. The more thoughtful you are to your loved one, the more fulfilled and happy your spouse will be. In return, your spouse will give back to you.

5. Don't get too practical. Some couples forego the flowers, the cards, the dinner dates and the chocolate boxes in favor of saving money. But what's worth more to you? A few bucks or a relationship that will likely affect your whole life and the lives of your children?

6. Do something nice for your spouse every day, even if it's just a chore they typically do. These thoughtful touches will act as reserves against the tough times.

7. Be physical. Touch your spouse a lot, even when there is no hope of it escalating into a sexual encounter. These little reminders that a spouse cares are nurturing to the soul and sends wonderful signals to your children. They feel secure and happy because you are secure and happy, and they are more loving because of the example you've set.

8. Remain loyal and unselfish. Have the grit it takes to stick through thick and thin. And, start worrying more about whether you are being a good spouse than whether your spouse is being a good mate to you, and you'll be glad you did. As much as it may seem otherwise, life isn't all about you, how you're feeling and what you want.

9. Take care of you. You don't have to be model thin or in the blush of youth. But be the best you can be - mentally and physically.

10. Laugh. Don't take life too seriously. It's no fun to be around someone when everything means too much and weighs too heavy.

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Make Your Time Together Count

For most couples, time together was not an issue in the beginning of the relationship. Most couples experience an initial period where their priority and primary focus is the other partner and spending every spare minute together. This allows partners to get to know one another and to establish a bond that will form the foundation of their relationship in the years to come.

After this initial period of being practically inseparable, the demands of life begin to come into play and chip away at the time available for togetherness. Normal, healthy couples will begin to see their focus shifting from one another to the work, family and social obligations that have been put on the back burner while the couple established their initial bond.

While this partial shift in focus is normal and necessary, allowing other obligations and priorities to take precedence over your partner and your relationship to the point of neglect will negatively affect your marriage. Next to communication, time is the most important factor in maintaining - or rebuilding - a healthy, strong marriage.

Regardless of how long you have been together, or how busy one or both of you are, you absolutely must prioritize your marriage and place your relationship in the central position that it deserves in your life. Allot your time accordingly and keep in mind that there will never come a time when your partner or your marriage no longer needs your time and attention. Your marriage and your partner cannot thrive if they don't hold a primary position in your life and don't receive the time that they deserve.

In order to rescue a marriage in turmoil, or to make a good marriage even better, refocus your attention on your partner and your relationship and reemphasize their importance in your life. Think back to the beginning when your partner and your relationship were your main priorities and stave off feelings of neglect by reaffirming to your partner that he or she still holds that place of importance in your life.

With today's overly packed schedules full of work, family and social obligations, it is increasingly difficult for couples to find time to spend together without scheduling it in advance. This has led to the modern phenomenon of scheduled "quality time" that often entails forcing couple time into a predetermined time slot crammed in between other duties and activities.

While this so-called quality time is at least a step in the right direction, there are a number of problems with it. One of the most obvious issues is that a preset, fixed appointment for time together is quite simply not enough for any relationship. Also, if you have so many pressing engagements that you can only squeeze out an hour or two each week in between things that are apparently more important, your partner and your relationship will begin to show the signs of neglect. It is impossible for your partner to feel like a priority in your life if you can only afford to give up an hour of your time to be with him or her.

Of course, for some busy couples this may seem like the only option and you may have no idea how to find more time in your limited schedule. While preordained quality time may not be the optimum choice, if this is the only way you can make time in your schedule to focus on your partner and your relationship, then it may be the best option for you until you come up with a better solution.

However, all too often one or both partners are filling their schedules with not only the normal work and family obligations, but also allotting time for partaking in personal interests and hobbies, rather than spending time focusing on their relationship or their partner. When these partners cannot find time in their schedule and must designate quality time, they should take time to consider why it is that they are dedicating their time to individual pursuits outside of the marriage, rather than focusing on their partner and their relationship. It is imperative that these partners re-prioritize their partners and marriages and begin to give their relationship the time and attention that it deserves.

Once you have come to the conclusion that spending time together and focusing on your relationship is integral to the success of your marriage, consider how you want to spend the time that you share. And, keep in mind that just spending time together is not enough. There is a difference between spending time in the same room and actually doing something together. Simply being together in the same place is good, but actively engaging with each other is much better.

Even when selecting activities to do together, your choice of activities also affects the amount of focus and attention you give to one another. Some couples spend their time together engaging in activities that are focused on objects or people outside of the marriage, such as watching a movie, going to a dinner party, or going out to eat. These activities are great to do together and partaking in hobbies and social outlets are important for each of the partners and the relationship; however, these activities should not be included as a significant part of your couple time.

The time that you dedicate as your togetherness time, or couple time, should not include other people or distracting activities. This time should be dedicated solely to each other and to giving your time and attention to your partner to let him or her know that he or she is a priority in your life. This is what fosters open communication, intimacy and ensuring that each other's needs are met and that each partner receives the attention he or she deserves.

Time is one of the greatest gifts you can give you partner and your marriage. If your marriage is in need of repair, or could just use a bit of improvement, revise your priorities and your schedule and place your partner and your marriage in the central position they deserve.
Relationships are the key to have strong community. When relationships break down families break down, communities break down and children are scattered.

Friday, January 2, 2009

Why Men Leave Relationships - The Basic Reason You Need to Know!

Have you ever wondered, "why do men bail out on relationships?" I think that almost everyone will agree that men express their feelings completely different from women.

In fact, there have been countless books, essay, songs, poems, etc. written about this very subject.

So, why do men leave relationships? Well, every man is different, but there is a basic reason most men will give up and walk away from their relationship:

Men have a deep-seated need to feel respect, admiration and desire from their women. If they feel they no longer have their partner's respect, admiration and desire, they may leave the relationship.

Yes, it may be ego, but it is true all the same. During courtship, many women instinctively behave in ways to let their men know they are highly desired by them. They may take an active interest in his profession, laugh at all of his bad jokes, or be a little more "touchy-feely" with him.
However, as time passes on complacency begins to set in. Many men in long-term relationships complain about being "nagged" to death by their partner. The underlying complaint is not so much the nagging itself, but the fact that men tend to interpret constant criticism from their mate as meaning they no longer have their partner's respect or admiration.

Eventually the man may leave to seek out someone who will make him feel desirable and wanted again. This is not to say that you can never communicate your feelings honestly with your man, nor should you become a doormat. It just means that expressions of your love and desire need to always remain in the balance with all of the ways you communicate with your man.

Concerned about a straying partner? Uncover highly effective strategies you can begin using now to strengthen your relationship! To access more information and an in-depth review of one of the best relationship guides available click here: Magic of Making Up!