Sunday, December 21, 2008

Discover the Secrets to a Happy Marriage

It is very normal for a married couple to have ups and downs during their marriage. During problems it is very natural that one sits back and analyzes the problems within. We try to answer the question - Why does a marriage fail?

In doing so we look at other couples, friend or relatives and try to find the answer. It may help detecting the probable causes of a failed marriage but overall this exercise is not helpful.
What about putting the question the other way round - Why does a marriage succeed? It will be easier to find answers for it by recognizing the elements of a successful marriage.
The married couple in a successful marriage are very positive towards the following characteristics.

#1. A happy couple are fond and admire each other.
#2. A happy couple have positive and optimistic feelings towards each other.
#3. A happy couple possess marital friendship.
#4. A happy couple share a collection of memories of good times that help them improve their emotions.
#5. A happy couple share their goals and meanings of life.
#6 A happy couple honour and work for each other's dreams.

By asking these positive questions and following these points it makes us look inside ourselves and come up with similar feelings. It is up to us to build upon these positive feelings and create a more shared marital relationship. In simple words this is what marriage counselling or marital therapy is all about.

A marital therapist will identify the strengths of a marriage and help in guiding the couple to make them stronger.

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Sunday, December 7, 2008

If Your Husband Decides to Leave You, But You Don't Want Him to Go

You may think that since I often write about saving marriages, I advise women who ask me how to keep their husbands from leaving to pull out all of the stops - to do anything to keep their husbands from walking out the door. This assumption would be mostly wrong. I do believe in saving marriages, but I also firmly believe that there is a right way and a wrong way to get your husband to stay, as well as a short term versus a long term fix. Obviously, restoring a healthy, stable marriage requires a long term solution that takes a bit more patience and planning.
I do understand the inclination to either beg him not to go, or to go the opposite route and turn angry or give ultimatums. I tried both of these approaches and neither worked. So, in this article I will share the approach that worked for me and many others who share their stories with me on my blog.
Let Him Think You're On His Side: I want you to think about something for a second. When you want to do something or make a decision, do you like it when someone tries to talk you out of it? And, once they do, doesn't that make you want to move forward that much more? By trying to change your husband's mind, you're really implying that your needs and wants are more important to you than his. And, if you want to lure him back, it's not good that you're showing him this.
The better tactic is to present yourself as the woman who wants you both to be happy. Tell him that you love him more than anything and have always just wanted him to be happy. Agree that the marriage isn't making either of you happy right now and a break just might be a great idea. In fact, tell him that you wouldn't mind the space yourself (you must be very convincing with this, however.)
Yes, you are bluffing. And yes, there is a slight chance he is going to take you up on this. But, what have you done? You've jumped right to his side. You've presented yourself as someone who wants to help him get what he wants. So, this has helped you in a few ways. First, he's no longer going to try to dodge or avoid you. Second, you made yourself an ally rather than an adversary. This is absolutely vital in the next step of the plan.
Presenting Yourself In An Attractive Rather Than An Unattractive Way (Even If You Have To Fake It): I have spoken with many men in my research and I can say with absolute certainty that they don't find a woman who is degrading herself to keep them at all attractive. In fact, it just makes them want to escape that much faster.
I know it can feel right to take immediate and drastic action, but resist this urge at all cost. It will only push him further way. Instead, hold your head high and try to act as you did when he first fell in love with you. Pin point exactly those qualities he loved about you and put them on full display. Get out and have fun. Put a smile on your face, even if it feels fake and your heart is secretly breaking. Make sure he knows you aren't waiting around or acting in a way that is beneath you.
Now, don't mistake this for acting in a reckless and non genuine way meant to make him jealous. Men often see through this and only see it as more desperate game playing. What you're going for is appearing as the wife who very much doesn't want her husband to leave, but who respects his wishes and is going to conduct herself as the woman he previously knew.
The women who reject these suggestions often see them as too risky. But I disagree because all of the other desperate or manipulative things only work once or in the short term because the husband's heart is not really in it. With this plan, you're changing it up, turning the tables, and emerging as a better version of yourself. I can not tell you how many times this peaks a husband's interest and he often wants to know what in the world is going on.
But, you can't fold too quickly with this. Many make the mistake of reverting back to old ways once the husband shows the slightest interest. Don't make this mistake. You want him to become the pursuer and you want to move slowly until you are both equally committed and back on track.
When my husband wanted to leave (but I didn't want him to), I made many of mistakes I discussed in this article based on fear. I stalked, begged, threatened, tried to overcompensate, and acted very badly. These things back fired. Thankfully, I finally realized I was doing more harm than good and was able to change course using the tactics discussed here and save the marriage. You can read my very personal story on my blog at
by:Leslie cane

Marital Relationship is Bliss

I know that moment you will start reading this article the questions will prop up in your mind that "Is Marital Relationship is really bliss?" Trust me view can be two that too very divergent. But that's what the life is all about. In-spite of having the divergence in the view the majority thinks very similarly and only a few thinks different and that's what create the two and sometimes three or more view of any topic. Let's take the majority view that marital relationship is bliss.
As we all know that after a certain age we all started craving for a partner and that's where the marital relationship started accommodating itself in all of us. I know that you all must be wondering at in the age of live-in relationship that who has time for the full time relationship. Very true but are the live-in relationship can be compared with the marital relationship.
Marital Relationship is marriage of two families - Yes, indeed the marital relationship a marital bond is established between the family of the girl and boy. Stability in the marital relation is what makes it holy and long lasting. But please this is quite advance time and if a woman thinks that she will enter into marital bond with anybody her parents would select would be the most foolish decision taken by her for her life.
But by proper inquiring one can definitely enter into marital relationship. In case, you know that guy than nothing could be better then this, as it would enhance the understanding in a relationship between you and your partner. Therefore, either way it is proven that it is the marital relation in more of family bond then a personal relationship.
When is the right age of marriage?
Here I would not like to put a thrust on any particular age, as depending on the family problems and personal objective one should take the decision that when is the time to enter into the marital relationship. Some people prefers to enter into the marital relations early age as for them the goals has already been achieved. But for the some people even reaching the age of mid thirties is not the ripe age. But here the decision should be taken by the person who is at the cross road of this question.
When marital relationship is turned out to be burdensome?
"A wife loves out of duty, and duty leads to constraints, and constraints kill desire" and this limpidly tells us that why marital relationship turns out to be burdensome. Therefore effort should be made by both partners to live it fully and live as friend rather then as a duty, which pressurizes a relationship and this pressure makes it burdensome on people to face it.
Therefore to maintain the bliss, the people should make effort to get married, at the appropriate age and enjoy it as the part of life than any responsibility so that the marital relationship is turned out to be complete fun and game.

Saturday, November 29, 2008

Marriage Problem Signs That You Do Not Want to Ignore

Relationships are hard. Marriage is hard. We all have fights, but when is a marriage in trouble? I would like to share with you a few marriage problem signs that you do not want to ignore.
Sign #1: Not talking as much. Have you noticed that you and your spouse have not been chit chatting as often? This is not good! Communication is extremely important in any relationship, and when it starts to break down like this, people can drift apart.
Sign #2: Small problems become big problems. Things that use to just be small arguments turn into full blown war. You find that it doesn't take much for a heated debate to break out.
Sign #3: You fight more often, and about more topics then before. It may seem as though you agree on less and less. This also includes minor issues that didn't use to be a big deal.
Sign #4: Other people are getting more involved in your lives. Is a mother-in-law or neighbor becoming a big part of the marital issues? Ideally marital issues are dealt with and kept between partners. When outsiders start coming in, it signals a further breakdown of marital communication.
I did not share those signs to scare you, I just want you to understand some things to look for if you notice your relationship heading for shaky waters. The best thing you can do is recognize that there are some problems, and both make a commitment to getting things sorted back together. Being irrational doesn't help anyone, so try to focus and dedicate your energy on repairing what you have. Your marriage is worth it.

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Marriage Problem Solving - Communication is The Key to Marriage Problem Solving

Are you and your partner constantly bickering? Are you no longer in a loving relationship? Do you feel like you are no longer friends, simply two people who share a house together? If the answer is yes, then simple marriage problem solving can help you.
Marriages can breakdown for a variety of reasons, but many of these breakdowns start because the two people involved simply did not communicate their concerns to the other partner. . If you don't have an open, honest marriage where you can discuss your concerns and fears then your marriage is at a great disadvantage to surviving marital problems. You may not like the way he always comes home late on a Thursday, or you don't like the way she has friends over when you want to watch your favourite sport. They just bottle up their emotions and let problems build up until one day a small event will be the catalyst for all their emotions to explode out. Does this sound like your marriage?
Many people who are suffering marriage problems employ the services of a marriage counsellor. A marriage counsellor will listen and try to understand the cause of your marriage problems and offer a non biased opinion on the best way forward. However, marriage counsellors are costly and cost you money every time you meet them.
By visiting this website, you are probably searching for a way to sort out your particular problem. This is the first step to a better future The good news is you do not need to spend hundreds or thousands on expensive counselling, because with a little help, you have all the skills to sort out your marriage yourself. There are number of resources and guides that teach more than a marriage therapist can and a price that is affordable to everyone..
Living in the modern world, where 50% of marriages end in divorce, marriage problem solving skills are essential. The best marriage problem solving books can provide you with the skills and solutions to save most marriages, even when one partner doesn't want to save it. Practising open communication and applying the step by step programmes takes practice. Just by being here, I know you already have the will inside of you to save your marriage. Having a time tested, proven resource that has helped save 1000s of marriages, is like having a marriage therapist at your fingers tips.
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Failing Marriage Help.

Steer Away From Divorce by Going to Marriage Counseling

Problems are an inevitable part of married life. Whether it is an issue over marital inequality or an impending divorce, it is very important to seek out a marriage counselor whenever such problems arise. Some may think that marriage counseling is just a waste of time, and that couples can solve their marital problems on their own, but whenever things do not go on the way that you want it to make your married life work, going to marriage counseling sessions certainly helps.
Marriage counseling sessions bring together married couples together for therapy sessions. This is especially needed if the couple has already been antagonistic about their problems toward each other and is planning to have a divorce, but still, they want to save their marriage somehow. Problems such as infidelity and financial problems are just two of the issues discussed in marriage counseling sessions.
Now you ask: how long should a couple go to marriage counseling, anyway? How long should a couple go to marriage counseling actually vary, depending on the problems that the couples are facing. If they are experiencing grave problems and would want to make their relationship work, then the longer sessions they need to have. It is important for the marriage counselor to point out issues which cause a problem in the couple's married life.
Perhaps you should stop thinking about how long should a couple go to marriage counseling and just be in one when you are in need to make your marriage work.
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Handling Marital Problems - Deal With Them Early Or Else!

There is no relationship that exist on this earth that does not have problems from time to time. This is especially the case when two people are close enough that they are in a marriage bond. Handling marital problems is really at the root of you being able to overcome difficulties before they become so large that they are insurmountable. At times, these problems may be small and easily overcome but at other times, they may take some work on both of our parts in order to fix.
That is why it is important for you to begin handling marital problems as soon as they start to display themselves. And inability for you to be able to do so would simply make them larger and then more difficult for you to handle. Having open communication on a regular basis is one of the best ways for you to be able to recognize problems before they become that large. Communication is not only you talking to your partner about your feelings but it is also you recognizing what they are truly trying to tell you and not simply what you are hearing. After all, that is really what is at the root of many of the problems that you may experience in marriage.
If the problems have become so large that they almost seem to be insurmountable, handling marital problems becomes a whole different story. It may be necessary for you to get some outside help, perhaps with a marriage counselor in order for you to be able to overcome these problems once and for all. There are also some excellent self-help books on the market which help us as individuals to deal with these problems head on and as a couple.
Although it is going to take some work on your part, handling marital problems is going to make your life a lot easier when she learned how to do so successfully. After all, we are in our marriage in order to enjoy the company of somebody that we truly care about. Handle the problems that are standing in the way of you doing this and you will be happy with the effort that you made.
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Is Living Together a Good Foundation For Marriage?

Two people of the opposite sex living together without the benefit of marriage has become a common phenomenon in industrialized societies across the world and about half of cohabiting individual view living together as away to assess compatibility prior to marriage, seemingly, then this arrangement should eliminate poor matches and make subsequent marriages more stable.
Among married individuals, premarital co-habitation is related to lower marital satisfaction, less time spent together in shared activities, higher levels of marital disagreement, less supportive behavior, less positive problem solving, and more reports of marital problems, Furthermore compared with couples who enter directly into marriage, couples who cohabit first have higher risk of marital dissolution {Divorce}.
As this study demonstrates, what might seem prudent from human standpoint may in reality be very unwise. This fact underscores the truth of the word at Jeremiah 10:23. "It does not belong to man......even to direct his step." How much wiser it is to look to God's word, the bible, which provides much fine counsel on the subject of marriage.
For example regarding the marital relationship, the bible says: " A man will leave his father and mother and he must stick to his wife and they must become one flesh, heeding to the bible directives will help us have a successful relation and marriage instead of following flawed and often fickle human reasoning, greatly improves prospect for a truly happy and lasting marriage.
Why not let the bible control you way of life, so that you will not even think of living with any member of the opposite sex without marriage, because this will be really bad and can cause marital resolution in you marriage life, and these will go a long way to affect your family life and the way things are done in your home.
So what you should do if you find out that you and your mate are not legally married is for you to separate or get legally married. So that they will be a Devinne blessing in your family, and you will be blessed by the creator of mankind by heeding to his counsel.

Tips For Solving Marital Problems

Your marriage is probably experiencing problems and you want to do something about it now. And it's a good thing that you're looking for help now to save your marriage. Waiting too late could possibly result in a nasty divorce.
So, what I'm going to do is share with you some tips for solving marital problems. That way, you won't have to end your marriage.
The first step to solving marital problems is communication. It's one of the reasons you are having problems in your marriage right now. So, what you should do is write down all the things that you feel are causing problems in your marriage.
Your spouse should do this, too. After doing this, you and your spouse should come up with solutions for the problems. This will require some effort from both of you. Regardless of what the problems are, there is always a solution.
Quality Time
Another tip for solving marital problems is to spend time with your spouse. I know this may not seem like something that will work, but it's highly effective. Plan a "date" with your spouse. Be romantic. This will help you and your spouse fall in love with each other all over again.
Also, a neat thing to do to re-kindle the loving feeling you have for your spouse to ensure you that your marriage is worth saving is to write a list of all the things you love about your spouse. Think of all the good times you spent with your spouse.
Faith is another tip for solving marital problems. You need to have faith in your marriage, your spouse, and yourself. If you have faith in your marriage, you will be able to solve any problem. You have to believe in your marriage in order for you to make it work.
These are the tips for solving marital problems. Use these tips to work through your problems. Doing so will help you have a happy marriage. Don't sit around and not do anything, though. If you do, your marriage could possibly end up in court and you will have to battle a nasty divorce.
So, do something about it now. You deserve a happy, loving marriage.
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How to Avoid Marital Problems

A marriage may not always be full of bliss. There are some couples that may face difficulties at certain points in their life. One should remember that there are ways to solve these problems so that you can do is to continue reading on and learn that even simple tips may do the trick in solving you marital problems.
First, you should accept that it is normal that you argue. Having arguments are not the actual marital problems since this can still be considered as normal. What you can do is to check if the fight that you are having are getting more serious and it happens more often. This is where the marital problems start. What you should do is to keep each argument fully solved and never let it be the reason for the next fights in the future. If there are unresolved issues, check them out once again and make sure that you get to the bottom of the problem and find a solution for it.
One of the proven ways to solve marital problems would be to be physically touched by your partner. This may not always mean being held in a sensual manner but this can simply mean that you and your spouse still spend time together.
Also, you should remember that each individual is different. Even the happiest couples also have differences and these differences make them happier with each other. Learn to think that the differences that you have should never be the cause of marital problems but what you can do is to enjoy what you have and try to learn from each other.
If you are already caught in a fight, you should remember to talk to your partner in a sensible manner. You should try to keep focused with the current problem at hand. If the problem is his or her time for the family, then focus in that aspect. Never allow the argument to go farther than what the real problem is. Never try to generalize as this would not make the problem disappear. Instead it will only make the situation worse and you may even end up having more problems in the end.
To know how to solve problems within your marriage, learn that giving each person space to think and to settle down. If both of you are tired of work for the whole day, arguing about certain problems would not give you the best solution for your family. Try to give each other time to relax before starting with a discussion or before coming up with a solution.
To sum up, do not forget that problems would come and go. But you should remember that there will always be a better solution other than ending the relationship that you have. As long as both of you are still willing to work things out, then a solution would not be too far to be realized. With a little more effort from both of you, a solution may be done and avoid marital problems.
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Marital Problems

When a marriage fails it is usually because one of the couple has caused it to fail or basically there is no understanding between the two. This is what is called marital problems. Keeping the foundation of marriage strong without withering is what will make the marriage last. Some marital problems are just that we still haven't accepted that we are married and we end up hooking up with other women or men, basically cheating on our spouses without any regard on the consequences. Thinking of ourselves and being selfish especially in a marriage is wrong and we must learn to overcome such vices.
Faith in marriages is dwindling especially in the 21st century, many people are opting to stay single or just leaving together without the I do. Why is this? Because too many of our close friends and relatives are getting divorced or separated at an early stage in their marriages. This is because of marital problems which they are not willing to mend and are not willing to work through their problems.
Most the problems we have in marriages can always be solved if we decide to go for counseling or decide to make the marriage work by listening to each other. This is very important especially if you have kids because they get injured the most when it comes to divorce. Having problems in your marriage is common but what you do about it is what really matters. So always try and solve your problems in a decent and understanding way.
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